A Common Sense Guide to Managing Your Financial Investment ...

This evening I had dinner with my bookkeeper and my accountant. We went to Rusholme in Manchester, with its mile of Indian, Pakistani and Bangladeshi restaurants. I had Tandoori fish to get me into the spirit of Meedhupparu breakfasts. In the middle of a deep, and meaningful, discussion about finance, I drifted off and considered the meaning of an “all-inclusive” holiday.

I’m not a cocktail kind of person. Cocktails are for girls. But Sims isn’t keen on them either; and she’s a girly-girl. Generally I hate the taste of alcohol, but I do love the effect; and it is this love-hate relationship, and a firm understanding of, and focus on, the intended objective, that allows me to consume vast quantities of beer without becoming violent, offensive or socially challenging. I also have a rule that I will not drink before 17h00.

However, I do feel that, from a financial perspective, this “all-inclusive” option means that we are duty bound to get as much return on our expenditure as possible. It’s a bit like those “eat all you want” buffets. They’re charging you enough to make a profit, so go on; have an eat-a-thon. And there’s a definite skill to it. If you starve yourself beforehand you’ll fill up too quickly and not get your money’s worth. I know this from my student days way back when. Gastronomy doesn’t change.

There are those of a moderate disposition who would argue strongly against this ethos, seeing it as being greedy; but a quick glance at the Aitken Spence balance sheet has convinced me that Meedhupparu, and the other resorts that they own in the Maldives, are profitable ventures.

So… let’s get down to the maths. If I start drinking alcohol at 17h00 with an “all-inclusive” moratorium at midnight, that gives me seven hours’ drinking time. From reviews that I’ve read the smaller, and probably more interesting, bars close to “all-inclusive” guests at 18h30. That’s but an hour and a half! Then, I suppose, one will have to retire to the Main Bar replete with its dodgy ‘entertainment’ until midnight.

Now, I haven’t been able to find a drinks price list online, but I’m guessing that a pint of beer is, at the outside, $8.50.  That’s about £5.30. Let’s face it, you can’t just pop off down to the off-license and buy a few cans, so you’ll pay whatever they choose to charge you, or you’ll go without. And as this is our holiday neither of us are particularly keen to go without.

Usually I drink a pint every 15 minutes. If the “all-inclusive” bars on Meedhupparu open at 10h00 in the morning, and I only start drinking at 17h00, I have potentially lost the equivalent of about £150 a day. Over the course of 14 days I could have potentially missed out on £2,100 worth of value, which would have more than paid for the cost of the entire holiday. In short, if I drink 56 pints of lager a day the whole holiday will be, effectively, free. So, what are the options?

The answer is obviously that I need to start drinking early in order to maximize the return on investment. However I cannot possibly drink 56 pints of lager in the course of a day; I would become flatulent and incapable of snorkeling. And it is here that I believe the consumption of the ‘cocktail’ could come into play. I have, on occasion, had a Bloody Mary in the morning; and very nice they are too. But this is the land of the coconut. Piña Coladas spring to mind; although they’re from a different and distant part of the planet…

Over the weekend I shall make it my duty to explore the options for cocktail drinks including coconut, coconut milk or coconut cream as an ingredient. And, even though I won’t be drinking one every 15 minutes, they will contribute to the “all-inclusive” balance sheet and ensure that we maximize the return on our investment.